...Use a Ray Gun.
Dr. Grordbort's Infallible Aether Oscillators, are a line of immensely dangerous yet simple to operate wave oscillation weapons.
Meticulously built to the exacting standards and plans of Dr. Grordbort, these weapons, bespangled in fine detail and with various (most likely quite dangerous) moving parts are the perfect addition to a gentleman's study or a deterring centerpiece for a lady's powder room or chiffonier.
Ammunition not supplied (Phlogiston and Compressed Aether phials may be ordered through the Doctor's upcoming Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory) (more)