What is the Largest Spy Network in the Planet?

The non-state actor behind the most pervasive surveillance network in human history has managed to avoid scrutiny. Until now. Revealed: Santa the spymaster.

Here is what we know about the man identified as Santa Claus. He operates under several aliases, to include Father Christmas, St. Nicholas, and Kris Kringle. His outfit is reportedly based out of the North Pole, though reconnaissance platforms have yet to capture his base of operations. His surveillance network is peerless, invasive, and worldwide. He spearheads a single annual clandestine mission. We know he’s coming to town, and we know when, and yet he has eluded capture for two centuries. (He is also, apparently, immortal.)

Santa Claus is, in short, the single most successful spymaster in human history. And while total global surveillance by a non-state actor isn’t necessarily to be applauded, he has earned the world’s begrudging respect for his organization’s sheer competence. Despite his old and sprawling operation, Claus has thus far managed to avoid the sort of intelligence leaks that have proved catastrophic in recent years to the National Security Agency and U.S. Department of State. Indeed, his secrets are kept not only by members of his inner circle, but also a vast swath of the adult world. Accordingly, young people generally under the age of 12 are left entirely in the dark as to Claus’s intentions and temperament. (more)